When you’re oblivious to ways marriage can operate as a people-growing process, all you see are problems and pathology—and the challenges of marriage will probably defeat you. Your pain will have no meaning except failure and disappointment; no richness, no soul. Spirituality is an attitude that reveals life’s meaning through everyday experience; however, don’t bother looking for sanctuary in your marriage. Seeking protection from its pains and pleasures misses its purpose: marriage prepares us to live and love on life’s terms.
Facing relationship realities like these produces the personal integrity necessary for intimacy, eroticism, and a lifetime loving marriage. How is integrity relevant to marriage? Integrity is the ability to face the realities I just mentioned. It’s living according to your own values and beliefs in the face of opposition. It is also the ability to change your values, beliefs, and behavior when your well-considered judgment or concern for others dictates it. Putting your partner’s goals on par with your own and delaying your agenda accordingly takes (and makes) integrity.
Wrong reasons to get together
- Low self-esteem.
- Afraid of being lonely.
- Fear of meeting the world as a single person.
- Needed someone to take care of you.
- Needed to be needed.
- Belief two people can live more efficiently than one.